au coeur de la nuit

Je vive!

2007-06-07T18:35:13Z

So, I'm alive.

OMG.

Is everyone else alive too?

Je suis trop excitée!

2007-03-17T11:43:16Z

Just went out driving with my dad, focussing on roundabouts because they confuse me liek whoa. (They still sort of do, to be honest.)

*sigh*

And why oh why did I choose to do my French oral about the French medical system? Please, somebody tell me, because I have no idea. The topic itself is really really intersting, but when you have to prepare a presentation and have no idea of the technical terminology, it is e-v-i-l.

But on a happier note, it's our senior production of Grease this week (dress rehearsals mon, tues, performances wed (matinée), thurs, fri and sat evenings) so it's all busy busy busy - at the moment it still needs smoothing out and some people don't know their lines or songs perfectly, but it looks really really good... I only wish I wasn't backstage and could go and watch it!

And also, SQUEEEEE! My London trip just gets better and better! Not only am I seeing JRT, I get to meet 3 of the coolest people - _faeriequeen, loony_daydreams and jiggery_pokery_ - and I am SO EXCITED!!

So excited in fact, that I made this:

Blue Peter deceiving viewers? Shocking.

2007-03-14T18:01:49Z

Hello. How are we all?

I'm back from the dead (dead being ill and overworked) with some bits of news:

I got my AS results module 1 results - 3 A's (which were all high A's thankfully, so I don't have to worry about doing so well in the next modules - which are 7 and a half school weeks away - aaaargh!)
I'm currently applying to be Head Girl next year, which is a bit weird cause we have to write application letters and have interviews, and all the students in our year had to vote which has made everyone really bitchy and like, "Who did you vote for?" "Do you reckon so-and-so has a chance?" Grrr. But I really, really want it, so badly! We'll have yo wait and see...
I'm coming to London on 4th April to see JRT in Landscape With Weapon with _faeriequeen, but she's already booked and I have no one to sit with, so would anyone else like to come? T'would be lots of fun, I promise! (And if you're under 18 the tickets are cheap as chippies!)
Omg who's watching Grey's Anatomy series 2 on channel 5, Sunday's at 8pm? I loves it so much! Eeeeeeee!

Hee hee, anyways, I have some work still to do of this fine evening, I hopes you're all doing well. :)

index: influenza - pages 133, 318 and 340

2007-02-24T12:02:23Z

I've just had 24 hours of hell.

And by hell, I mean flu.

Ugh. I feel terrible.

And I'm so bored. I've been flicking back through my flist and trying to catch up but I can't concentrate and nothing's going in. I need something to doooo, but I feel so tired too. And I can't leave the bedroom because my 90-year-old grandad's staying and if I pass it onto him then he might die. :-0

Last night amidst the couging and the crying and the fever, I made mother get my biology textbooks and read to me all about flu.

Learning is good. Even whilst ill/dying.

*puts on geek hat*

Woke up this morning and the animals were gone...

2007-02-22T20:30:18Z

Well, m'back. Still absolutely knackered and weighed down by outstanding post-holiday homework, hence the silence for the past 4 days.

However, needless to say, it was absolutely fantastic - our instructor Pat(tie) was a complete legend, she took us on a red run only three days after the first time we'd had a pair of skis on, and I quickly became known as the Off-Piste Queen for my (deliberate) tendency to go off round the piste markers, up and down hills, over moguls and through the edges of a forest - I LIVED for off-pisting, it is SO GOOD!

Anyways, I'm still severely sleep deprived and have a million things to do, so ciao for now.

PS: Watch Pippa Haywood on BBC 2 at 9pm (the TV guide said she was "a joy to behold") and/or tape Oli Chris in Bonkers on ITV (I LOVE this, missed it last week, but it's so laugh-out-loud funny!)

ebonybeach @ 2007-02-09T17:49:00

2007-02-09T17:56:12Z

I'm going to Italy skiing tomorrow!!

With school and lots of friendies and we're going to have lots and lots of fun fun fun! *so excited*

Sorry about the lack of commenting this week, I've been playing lots of hockey and doing work experience at RAF Linton on Ouse (which was fab, I am definitely joining the Air Force) and now I'm going away and it's all so exciting!

*MWAH*

Hello world.

2007-01-30T17:05:37Z

Had a jam packed weekend, sorry about the lack of commenting. Went to Whitby on Saturday, and had a bit of a vintage-sign-photographing-fest.

(Not technically a sign, but a classic anyway!)

Ha haa, how brilliant?!

Also, some generic beauty shots of this gorgeous fishing town:

Birdie!

Statham and Joanna, eat your hearts out!

Can you IMAGINE how FANTASTIC it would have been if they'd driven this around in the Special?! Or if Mac/Guy had driven it... *hee hee*

Today in biology we dissected a pig's heart. And now I want to be a heart surgeon, because how cool?!

Also, meme from a couple of my flist (and I want maximum participation, people!)
Comment and I will:

1) Tell you why I friended you.
2) Associate you with a song/film.
3) Tell a random fact about you.
4) Tell a first memory about you.
5) Associate you with a character/pairing.
6) Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
7) Show you my favourite user pic of yours.

musings on JRT's checkered underpants...

2007-01-25T17:25:59Z

Ugh, had such a horrible day yesterday, involving tears and tantrums and sprained muscles, but the upshot of it was I had a candlelit bath at about 8pm then went to bed and wrote reams and reams of Caromac smut-in-the-rain. So not all bad. ;)

I have an opticians appointment soooon (have to get contacts for skiing, as I don't want my glasses to get smashed into my face... nice) but I just need to point this out: someone started this thread over in the Green Wing comm, and I commented there but have to point this link out to ALL JRT FANS EVERYWHERE: julianrhind-tutt.co.uk - Jules gets (almost) nekkid! With a photo which will make your imagination run WILD.

Also, scroll down to Speak Up - Faces of 4 Julian Rhind-Tutt - some of you may have read it via the channel 4 website, but I'm presuming he wrote it, and if so... well, that man has very, very many talents indeed - he's writing what is practically (very very soft, barely perceptible) smut!

Can I get a ::GUH:: ?

Mac/Caroline wedding fic: Sunrise

2007-01-20T21:30:39Z

Title: Sunrise
Pairing: Mac/Caroline
Rating: PG-13 for language/insinuation
SPOILERS: The Special
Summary: It's the morning after their wedding night, and the happy couple are continuing to discover exactly why they are so in love.
A/N: This was completely inspired by leiascully 's wonderful fic So Much History in a Kiss, and it kind of follows on from where that left off. I also owe her my life, for not only does she provide me with fantabulous fic, but she is an amazing beta too. :)

Sunrise

Caroline Macartney woke the next morning to the subtle vibration of her mobile phone, which had been sitting under her pillow all night, waiting patiently until it was time to set off the alarm. Her fingers fumbled a little until they managed to halt the faint buzzing, and she opened her eyes, feeling not at all frustrated or lethargic despite the early hour. She was tired, yes, but just a few inches across the pillow was the sleeping face of her brand new husband - her wonderful, beautiful husband whose body was curled around hers, protecting her, keeping her safe - and how could she possibly have one single bad feeling in the world, when she got to wake up to this?

He looked so peaceful - a smile on his lips she couldn’t help but mirror - and she was almost loathe to rouse him from his sleep. But, she told herself, they had promised each other this, and it would never, ever happen again; not in exactly the same way, anyway.

“Wakey wakey,” she whispered, fingers brushing the hair from his face and then continuing down along his jaw. She nuzzled her nose against his and he moved ever so slightly; sighed a little and it sounded like home.

“I love you,” she murmured next, pressing her smiling lips very lightly to his. “My husband.”

She kissed him again, more lingeringly this time, and he let out a soft, “Mmm,” and stretched, his arms pulling her closer. She sat up very slightly and watched him open his eyes; they were so blue, so breathtaking in the dim morning light.

“Morning,” he murmured, although it turned very quickly into a yawn.

“Come on,” she said affectionately, wide awake now. “It’ll be starting soon.”

As she moved back to get out of bed, his arm tightened around her waist and he pulled her down for another kiss. “When did I last tell you I love you?” he asked slightly drowsily, his hand sliding up and down her spine and making her shiver.

“Mmm.” It was all she could manage, partly because her lips were otherwise engaged, and partly because all coherency just dissolved into nothingness whenever he kissed her.

When he eventually let her go, she reluctantly allowed some of her senses to return. “About, um… three hours ago.”

“Fuck,“ he groaned and squeezed his eyes shut, quite obviously knackered despite the incentive of having his gorgeous new wife currently lying naked in his arms. “What time is it?”

It was rapidly becoming lighter in the large room, and Caroline forced herself to extract her body from Mac’s embrace and the twisted bed covers, and get up. “Half five,” she told him, and with an exaggerated sigh he rolled over and buried his face in the pillow. She couldn’t help but fall in love with him all over again, as she pulled on the nearest garment she could find - his shirt from yesterday - and a pair of knickers from her suitcase.

It was only then she noticed the complementary white, fluffy dressing gowns hanging on the bathroom door, and even though she couldn’t be bothered to change now and it was too warm to wear two layers, she put one of the robes on the end of the bed for her husband.

Then, with a playful slap on his backside and a, “Come on! And stop moaning,” she pulled open the doors and stepped out onto the balcony.

The view instantly took her breath away. The rich green fields, trees and hills of yesterday had been stained a magnificent purpley-auburn in the pale, pink light of the sun; brand new and just appearing over the crest of the furthest peak.

When young girls dream of their wedding, most of them fantasise about the dress, the church, the fantastically handsome groom; but while Caroline had also thought of these, the one thing she’d always been most sure of was that she and her new husband would get up early enough to watch the sunrise together. It had always seemed so utterly romantic - a spectacular metaphor for the beginning of their life together - and even though Mac was late and missing the start of the show, she was already feeling overwhelmed by its indescribable beauty, and the weight behind its significance.

She had quickly become so lost in the moment that when Mac appeared a few minutes later and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, she jumped a little. Luckily, it seemed she had married a man who understood her tendency to fall so deeply into another world, as instead of recoiling at her apparent rejection, he just held her more tightly and tucked his chin over her shoulder, kissing the side of her neck as he hummed softly in pleasure.

Caroline was torn. In front of her was one dream come true, and behind her was another; one who was currently nibbling her ear in just the right way that made her squirm and giggle like a teenager. This in turn caused him to laugh, and the warm, deep vibration just near her ear was as smooth and irresistible as melted chocolate.

“Dr Macartney,” she protested half-heartedly, “I want to watch the sunrise and you’re making me go all woozy inside.”

He could tell from the way her hands were gripping his forearms that she was incredibly close to giving in to him. Not that he wanted her to miss her sunrise - and indeed, it was beautiful - but she was his wife, all warm and vulnerable and delicious, and he couldn’t help it that he just wanted to kiss her all over.

‘His wife…’ That was still making him smile - he doubted there would ever come a time when it didn’t.

“What?” he asked softly, lips moving against her skin, “So now I can’t show my new wife how much I love her?”

Caroline grinned despite herself: what could she say to that? She reached up a hand to his face as she turned in his arms, and then his mouth was on hers, so gentle and insistent and rough around the edges with barely-contained passion that a jagged moan rose instantly her throat. Amplified by the still, clear air, it sounded a thousand times more desperate, but that wasn’t even close to expressing how much she wanted him, how much he turned her on, how much she loved him with every single, aching cell of her body.

Upon emerging behind her a moment earlier, Mac had immediately noticed that she was wearing his shirt - how could he not, when she looked so adorably, sexily drowned in the too-big white garment? - but as his hands now moved down her spine and past her backside to where the hem ended across her thighs, he realised the shirt appeared to be all she was wearing.

“Mrs. Mac,” he managed to breathe, when they eventually came up for air, “How you’re exposing yourself to the world…”

She smiled, planting kisses along his throat and the visible ‘V’ of his chest beneath the fluffy bath robe. “There’s no one around,” she replied softly, finally trailing her lips away and half-turning back towards the sunrise, her head resting just beneath his chin. “There’s no one in the world except us.” She snaked her arms around his waist and he squeezed her back just as tightly, and she could tell her had tears in his eyes too.

In the ensuing silence, they both consigned this perfect moment to their memories forever, knowing it was one of those defining points in their lives which made them exactly who they were. Then, wary of allowing herself to become too emotional (because that led to other, severely emotional thoughts, ones she really didn’t want to have right now), she decided it was time to defend herself.

“Anyway,” she said as offhandedly as possible, trying to calm her heart, which was beating faster just thinking of the thoughts she wasn’t supposed to be contemplating. “I’m hardly ‘exposing myself’ - I am wearing knickers.”

Mac must have sensed her internal struggle, as he gave her a moment to compose herself before gently moving back to hold her at arms’ length. “You are?” he asked, frowning, playing a game as if nothing more profound was happening beneath the surface. She would love him for that forever.

The thought of his mortality was completely destroying for the both of them. Caroline still needed more time to come to terms with it herself before they could discuss it without her breaking down entirely. She felt she should be able to be strong for him, and until she could do that, she didn’t believe she had the right to request consolation when she should be the one giving it. She didn’t know why this was the case - whether it was pride, denial or simply absolute terror - but Mac understood without saying a word: she saw it every time she looked into his eyes, and if they had an eternity together, it wouldn’t be enough time for her to express her gratitude.

But that was enough of the awful, depressing stuff for now. If she didn’t think about it, it didn’t have to exist, and ignoring it was currently proving to be pretty easy, as she had another distraction to contend with - namely that of her husband’s hands sliding up her thighs and hips and he lifted the shirt to reveal a small pair of lacy lilac knickers.

“Why darling,” he exclaimed, feigning astonishment, “Those are the most ridiculously tiny pair of pants I have ever seen!” He leaned down, pretending he had to peer closely to even make them out. “You might as well not be wearing them at all…”

His voice floated up from beneath her tummy button, and she laughed and affectionately brushed her fingers through his hair. “Now where would be the fun in that?” she murmured innocently as he stood back up again, pressing kisses to her exposed thighs and stomach on the way, before being forced to let the shirt drop and settle for kissing her mouth instead.

“I am so in love with you,” he said quietly when they broke apart, holding her close and watching the beautiful smile that slowly curved her pink lips. In response, she placed her palms on his cheeks and tilted his mouth back down to hers, pausing mere millimetres before they touched.

“And I’m bloody cold,” she told him solemnly, seriously. Even though it was summer, it was early, and the cold of the stone balcony was travelling up her body through her bare feet. “Are you going to let me in or not?”

His puzzled expression melted instantly into a smile, and he reached between them to unfasten the knot of his dressing gown, instead wrapping and tying it around them both.

“That better?” he asked, and she nodded.

“Mmm. I think so.”

“Good… that’s good…”

Their lips met briefly, tenderly, before they both sighed contentedly, smiling, and turned around slightly to watch the last of the sunrise. By now, the pink of the sky had melted into orange, which was already starting to fade to blue. The golden sun was a perfect sphere, perched so precariously on top of the horizon that Caroline thought it might just roll away if she breathed too loudly.

They watched it rise in silence, the only sound the sweet calls of early morning birds, until the atmosphere was punctured somewhere near her ear by a long, drawn-out yawn. It made her smile to herself and snuggle further into his chest, trying to stifle a similar action as they continued to watch the magnificent view.

But after Mac had yawned three more times and she’d looked up to see he was barely able to keep his eyes open, a sudden jolt of panic shot right through her.

“Are you okay?” she asked, voice laced with worry.

He nodded, added a smile to reassure her. “Yeah, I’m fine. More than fine. I’m just tired.”

She couldn’t shake the anxiety, not yet, but at the same time she didn’t want to say it, didn’t want to ruin the best morning of her life by dragging them both back to reality.

But she knew she had to, however scared she was of his response, however hesitantly the words sounded out in the open air. “Tired as in… ill, tired?”

He just looked at her for a second, blown away by the sheer depth of her concern and the worry in her eyes. “No. No,” he said again, a little more forcefully, and he felt her body loosen slightly as she relaxed in his arms. “Tired as in, ‘I was up all night making love to my beautiful new wife’ tired.”

He kissed her then, to wipe away the last traces of her doubt, and when he stopped, she looked straight into his eyes with such honesty that he just had to kiss her again.

“You’re a doctor,” she murmured a minute later, calm restored and the sunrise utterly forgotten. “You should be used to surviving on three hours’ sleep.”

He shrugged, his expression ever-so-slightly guilty. “Actually, I think it was more like two…” She raised her eyebrows, signalling him to continue. “I, erm…” He cleared his throat, unsure why this was making him quite so nervous. He guessed it was because he was about to admit he’d fallen deeper and harder and faster than ever before: he was completely vulnerable, and no matter how incredible it felt, it was also fucking terrifying, and definitely going to take some getting used to.

“I may or may not have stayed awake just to… to watch you sleeping.”

He knew he had no reason to be embarrassed, but what if she didn’t like it; what if that sort of thing freaked her out? He’d been selfish last night, his need to just look at her and how beautiful and precious and perfect she was overriding any concerns he had about her feelings. He’d lain there, taking in every soft curve and smooth plane; listening to her deep, even breathing; knowing that the smile on her lips was all because of him and feeling so honoured to have been able to make her so happy.

His hand had reached out of its own accord, lightly tracing the length of her left arm from shoulder to ring finger, and she had mumbled something in her sleep. His heart had skipped a beat, terrified he’d woken her for no good reason, but she had simply curled herself further into his embrace and within moments was fast asleep again.

He was brought quickly back to the present by the sound of his name. “Dr. Macartney,” Caroline was saying, eyes wide in shock but voice reassuring him she was just playing, “If I’d known you were so perverted I might never have married you…”

“Well that’s too bad, because you‘re stuck with me now,” he grinned, relieved, as he allowed her to lead him back inside. Walking was at first difficult to coordinate because they were both wrapped inside the dressing gown, but they soon built up a rhythm, and before he knew it he found himself sinking back into the soft, comfy mattress, unable to stop a long groan of satisfaction escaping past his lips.

“That feels so good,” he sighed, pulling the covers around himself and closing his eyes.

Caroline just watched in amusement as she closed the doors and curtains, before slipping into bed beside him. He opened one eye and beckoned her into his arms, and as she wedged her cold feet between his calves and settled her head onto his shoulder he sighed again.

“But not as good as this,” he corrected himself, pressing a kiss to her forehead and enjoying simply breathing her in.

“What’re we going to do today?” she asked after a pause, unable to feel tired just yet because the wonderful, unfamiliar, extraordinary feel of so much of his skin against hers was making her heart beat far too quickly.

After a moment of thinking he’d fallen straight asleep, she eventually received a mumbled response. “We’ll have breakfast.”

She smiled. He was so adorable, she just melted inside. “What’ll we have?” she wanted to know, and he wriggled a little further down into the bed as he thought about it.

“Whatever you-” He was cut off by a yawn. “Whatever you want.”

“Chocolate ice cream?”

“For breakfast?”

She pouted, and her voice seemed to follow suit somehow. “You said I could have whatever I wanted…”

His hand found and held hers where it had been tracing patterns on his chest, and she realised this had been making him squirm - one of her many discoveries last night was that he was incredibly ticklish.

“You can,” he murmured, and she could sense he was smiling. His fingers gently twisted the white-gold band of her wedding ring around her finger, and she marvelled at the way in which this simple gesture could conjure such enormous butterflies in her stomach.

“Ok,” she said softly, “So I’m having chocolate ice cream. What about you? What are you going to have?”

“Mmm, I don’t know.”

“Well, what do you want most in the whole entire world?”

There was a relatively long silence, and she thought this time he really had fallen asleep. Just after she had snuggled further into his arms and was preparing to join him in slumber, a response eventually came.

“I want you,” he whispered, and something inside told her this was it; this was what she had been waiting and wishing and hoping for her entire life. She didn’t think it would ever get better than this…

But then it did.

“I want to steal some of your ice cream and cover you with it,” he continued very quietly, and she could hear his heart beating beneath his chest - or was that hers, hammering so very loudly at the thought of where this was going?

“And then I’ll… I’ll…”

… Bloody fall asleep!

How the hell was she supposed to do likewise now?

In mild, amused frustration she nudged him slightly, and if she hadn’t known better she could have sworn she sensed him laugh.

Between trying to be annoyed and attempting to ignore the way every cell of her body seemed to be screaming, “I love you, you wonderfully cruel bastard!”, she found sleep actually came quite easily.

The last thing she remembered thinking before she drifted off was that they’d have to over-order on the ice cream, because if she had her way, she and her fantastic, talented husband could quite happily stay in this room together forever…

She might have missed most of her sunrise but that didn’t matter, because she already knew that whatever time they had, it would be beautiful and magical and simply, utterly perfect, and she would never, ever forget a second of it.

The End.

***

New layout

2007-01-19T23:34:16Z

Awww, look at my new FO banner, ain't it cute?? Just felt like a change really, and as I couldn't work out how to put a header into this layout, I stuck it up as a banner instead. Aww, that scene is so much ♥.

EEEEEE!

2007-01-15T17:11:01Z

I GOT A TELEGRAPH BALLOT PLACE IN THE GREAT NORTH RUN! (We're hopefully doing it as a school team, to raise money for our charity of the year).

Unfortunately, amidst the excitement of having my name pulled out of the metaphorical hat, it means I actually have to start training properly to prepare for a 13 mile race.

Oh dear.

10 Things I Love About You - part IV

2007-01-03T21:28:26Z

Part IV of loony_daydream's fic.

Title: 10 Things I ~~Hate~~ Love About You
Prompt: Caroline's Top Ten Reasons Why She's In Love With A Certain Dr. Macartney // Mac's Top Ten Reason's Why He's In Love With A Certain Dr. Todd

And so they found themselves on a bench outside; but not any bench - 'their bench'. Mac thought it was a perfect day. The sun was shining, he was with Caroline, her small hand curled around his... and suddenly he wasn't afraid: afraid of rejection, afraid she didn't love him back. He had to tell her regardless, because if he kept it inside one moment more he might simply explode.

"Can I have my present now?" She asked softly, drawing him from his thoughts, and the smile in her eyes set his heart on fire. She loved him alright, he knew it. He'd always known it really. He just didn't know why it had taken him this long to realise.

"Yes." He placed the diary next to him on the bench and pulled the list from his pocket once again. Then he had a sudden thought. "No." Sliding closer to her, he squeezed her hand and smiled. "Let me read it to you."

She looked as though she couldn't believe this was actually happening, and he mentally slapped himself. Why had he waited so very long to be with this amazing woman?

"Ok. Here goes."

He took a deep breath and began to read, although it wasn't really reading, because he knew the points off by heart, and was looking right into her eyes the entire time.

"10 things I love about you... Caroline." A pause, to acknowledge her widened eyes and shaking fingers, and to compose himself. This was really it - fucking hell!

"Number one: I love your smile. It's just so beautiful. You are so beautiful." He'd added that last part on without even realising, but it didn't matter - from the red that rose in her cheeks, she seemed to like it.

Now he'd started, it was a little easier to continue. They were sitting so close that his bent knee was touching her thigh, and he could feel her breath on his neck. He had to swallow before speaking again, his tone soft and gentle when he did.

"Number two: I love your laugh. It's so free, so natural. I love it when you're happy... It makes me want to make you happy just to hear it.

"Number three: I love the way you tease me. You can give as good as you get, and, you know, on those occasions when you can't... you're just so adorable."

She smacked him lightly on the shoulder, but her smile couldn't physically be any wider. Were those tears in her eyes? He was feeling quite emotional himself, but oddly, he didn't know whether this surprised him or not.

"Number four: I love your voice. The little posh words in the middle of all the rest. I could hear it all day, and all night, although perhaps not singing..."

She didn't even bother to hit him this time - they were both so lost in each other that the world had almost ceased to exist around them.

"Number five: I love the way you dress. I've never known anyone else who can get away with so many colours and patterns, and at the same time look good in scrubs and gorgeous little blue nighties."

"Dresses," she corrected automatically, and her voice was breathless, like a sigh. It made him shiver.

"Number six: I love how you would sacrifice everything you had for me - you almost did, with Mackenzie, and I just hope one day I get the chance to repay you properly."

He had promised himself long ago that he would, and now he had promised her too he was even more determined to do so.

"Number seven: I love your stubbornness. You're so brave and so scared all at once, and I want to just shelter you from everything forever.

"Number eight: I love your eyes. The way they look at me over your mask in theatre. The way they look at the world, so innocent, so hopeful. I hope they - you - never lose that. It's so, so beautiful."

He was nearing the end now, and as he reached out to touch his fingers against her cheek, he found he was shaking too.

"Number nine," he said very quietly indeed, his face moving ever so slightly closer to hers. "I love the way you kiss me, and the fact that each time you do, I can't imagine ever wanting anything more than taking you into my arms and never letting you go again."

As he brushed his thumb across her lips she whimpered, and it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever heard. If someone has told him this time yesterday that he’d be here, with Caroline, so achingly close to kissing her and wanting her and having her at last, he’d have laughed and made some wisecrack or other. But there was absolutely nothing funny about this - this was proper, serious stuff, and he felt it in the pounding of blood through his veins; the tension in the thick air; the simple softness of her skin beneath his fingertips.

"Number ten,” he just about managed to whisper, his lips now so close to hers that they were breathing each other’s air. “I love all of you, because you really are completely wonderful. I want you, Caroline… I want to marry you…"

And then he did something he definitely hadn‘t anticipated: he got down on one knee in front of her, taking both her hands tightly in his, and she definitely had tears in her eyes now: he saw one slip down her cheek, followed by a second a moment later.

“Will you marry me?”

10 Things I Love About You - part III

2007-01-03T19:36:05Z

Part III of loony_daydream's fic.

To help whoever needs it over the angst. I just feel that, after everyone's seen the special tomorrow, this will all seem a little pointless. So I'm going to try and write the third and final part now, as I'm back at school tomorrow.

Title: 10 Things I ~~Hate~~ Love About You
Prompt: Caroline's Top Ten Reasons Why She's In Love With A Certain Dr. Macartney // Mac's Top Ten Reason's Why He's In Love With A Certain Dr. Todd

Part III

“I heard you’d, erm, lost something,” Mac said as he sat down beside Caroline in the staffroom. It was mid-afternoon, and this was the first opportunity he’d had to catch her alone (after using the morning to pluck up the courage to finally confront her).

She looked up, eyes wide. “You found my filling? How? I mean, I think I lost it in the canteen on Monday because after lunch I noticed my tooth was really sharp and it was hurting my tongue, but I didn’t know you knew I’d lost it… Anyway, it doesn't really matter now because I went to the dentist yesterday and he sorted it out."

Even after knowing her for all these months, she could still leave him speechless sometimes. There was a pause, as she watched him expectantly. “I…” He cleared his throat and tried again. “No, it’s not… I haven’t found your, er, your filling. It’s something else.”

She just looked at him, and he found he couldn’t take his eyes off the yoghurt-covered spoon she was cleaning with her tongue. Oh God, this was it; this was the moment she lost trust in him forever. Would he be able to convince her he hadn’t sneaked a look into her deepest, most private thoughts?

He held out the diary in front of her. “I think this is yours.”

Whatever he had expected, it wasn’t this. She glanced at the book, then at him; and then her concentration returned to her yoghurt. “Oh, right,” was all she said, before taking another mouthful of raspberry Müller Light.

“It’s your... your diary, isn’t it?” He prompted, thoroughly confused as to why she didn’t seem to care.

“Yep.” She put her empty yoghurt pot and spoon down on the table and looked at him. “Did you read it?” She asked casually.

He frowned - what the hell was going on here? “No.”

Caroline’s expression fell very slightly. “Oh.”

“Well,” he went on quickly, knowing he couldn’t lie despite the peculiar situation, “I glanced at one page. I saw the title. I am so sorry.”

Bizarrely, her face seemed to brighten again. “Really? Which page?”

This was too weird. Mac was starting to feel a little worried about her. He cleared his throat again as he dug his list out of his back pocket. “I wrote this... for you. It should explain... um... Listen, are you alright?”

She paused in reaching for the piece of paper. “Me? Yeah, I’m fine. I mean,” she frowned slightly, “I’m upset you have my diary, obviously.”

“Obviously,” he repeated, his tone somewhat questioning.

There was a long pause, during which their gazes met and locked. Mac lifted his free hand very slowly and took hers. He didn't know what was going on, but she was just so beautiful that knew he had to tell her what was written on his list, and he had to tell her now.

"We shouldn't do this here," he said softly, painfully aware of the 15-or-so bodies surrounding them. They were making tea, reading the paper, chatting about patients and the weather and their tiny, insignificant lives... and they didn't matter to him. They didn't care about him or Caroline, and Mac didn't care about them. He just wanted a moment alone with the woman he loved; a moment to tell her he loved her.

It was about bloody time, after all.

Green Wing Special...

2007-01-02T21:56:50Z

Oh fuck. Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.

Once again, this programme has left me heartbroken.

The fucking most romantic scenes ever, and yet the saddest fucking ones too.

A silhouette in a graveyard: so poetic, so heartstopping.

THE PUB! OMFG! The drunk part - hilarious! The laughing/crying - FUCKING BROKE MY HEART. OMG the tears started then and never stopped.

The children's ward. Just so him, so right.

The river scene. AND THE LINE! "You are completely wonderful." ;__;

Awww, poor little Boyce. :( That doctor was so scary!

Martin sobbing... Hana sobbing.

"Oh my Crikey! I've sat on her to death!" And the peanut butter sandwich... magic!

THE LONGEST SCREEN KISS I HAVE EVER SEEN! (24 seconds and counting!) OMG SO SO SO PERFECT! The smiling, the walking... His tone of voice when he said it and then suddenly realised...

Guy. What can I say? I ABSOLUTELY LOVE HIM.

The coughing over Mac's first name - genius!

Allllllll the kissing. XD

The hand!porn!!! (And there was lots of it too!)

The most picturesque endings ever. The beach. The castle.

THE VICAR OF DIBLEY!! HA HA HAAA!

And now to what I really thought: MOST DEFINITELY SPOILERY!!!!! (highlight to view)

MY INNER FANGIRL IS CRYING HER LITTLE EYES OUT, AND AT THE SAME TIME SQUEALING WITH ABSOLUTE UTTER JOY.

I loved the Statham/Joanna ending. It was just perfect. I loved how they held hands. AND THEY WERE WALKING ON WATER (thank you leiascully for pointing that one out!) I want to think that means they died all happy and were walking off into heaven. I'm so very pleased with this ending, I really am.

I love Guy for doing what he did. Sacrificing himself for Mac. And I absolutely adored the friendship between them.

"When I make love to my wife tonight, I shall smile to myself, safe in the knowledge that after me you will pale into insignificance, in that even from beyond the grave, I am a better lay than you."

The 24-second kiss is the single most romantic screen kiss ever. The smiling against her mouth. The walking, the arms and hands everywhere. All the kisses at the wedding. Whispering in her ear on the balcony.

I love how Mac seemed to have matured so much, obviously because of his appreciation of mortality.

But the ending... I don't know, I loved that they left your imagination to fill it in (Mac = NOT DEAD) but at the same time I don't feel I'll ever be able to get any proper closure, any resolution on the best series every broadcast on tv.

Still, we've had a good time, haven't we?

Ok, so there were spoilers. Best stay away if you don't want to know anything. Look if you want mild spoilers, but DO NOT highlight the second part if you don't want to know full, spoilerific details. (THE SECRET TEXT IS WHITE, SO IF YOUR JOURNAL BACKGROUND IS NOT WHITE, THEN DON'T LOOK AT ALL!)

If you're a spoiler!whore, just go for it! But be warned... there is no coherency here!

Things I Love About You - part II

2007-01-02T12:46:26Z

Part II of loony_daydream's fic.

Title: 10 Things I ~~Hate~~ Love About You
Prompt: Caroline's Top Ten Reasons Why She's In Love With A Certain Dr. Macartney // Mac's Top Ten Reason's Why He's In Love With A Certain Dr. Todd

10 Things I ~~Hate~~ Love About You - Part II

Mac sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. He’d been at this for ages, and it was… fucking hell, almost one a.m.! He looked down at the piece of paper on the desk in front of him. The white of the page had almost disappeared under black biro doodles, except for a rectangle in the centre which contained the words: ‘10 Things I Love About Caroline,’ followed by a list of numbers. After number one he had written: ‘I love you because…’ but that was about as far as he’d got.

He’d started with a clean sheet of paper at about ten o’clock, and quickly scrawled down seven things he loved about her. But that was the problem: writing, ‘I love her because she has the most enchanting eyes,’ didn’t actually mean anything. ‘She,’ could be anyone, and Caroline Todd wasn’t just anyone to him; quite the opposite really.

So he screwed up that page and ripped another one from the pad, copying out all his points in the second person: but now they were directed at Caroline, they still didn’t sound right somehow. ‘I love your messy hair,’ just wasn’t romantic enough. It wasn’t what he wanted to say at all, nor how he wanted to say it.

So he’d begun yet again, with a third sheet… and he’d been sat staring at it now for almost three hours. It wasn’t that he doubted he loved her, because he did; of course he did. It was just putting it into words. If he had been any good at poetry he’d have done English, not medicine. He could note down figures - measurements, dates, readings from machines - and concise patient histories, but that was all impersonal; had nothing to do with him, or what he thought or wished or really felt.

He wanted to write simply, ‘I love you because you are completely wonderful,’ but that seemed to defy the point of the exercise.

Jesus, why was this so difficult? Over the past hours his mind had wandered over her, and everything about her. He’d become so lost in memories and fantasies (of various types and intensities) that he’d ceased thinking about the list and just enjoyed thinking about her. Which was all well and good, but it wasn’t going to help him finish and get to bed this side of Christmas.

No, he needed to concentrate and just write down the first things that came into his head; that way it would be spontaneous and meaningful - and hopefully even slightly romantic. Closing his eyes, he pictured her again; smiling, laughing, teasing him about something… kissing him in her bathroom, in the lecture theatre, outside the hospital, inside the hospital… sacrificing herself so he could go and be a father to Mackenzie… looking so utterly adorable in scrubs, in her normal clothes, in that little blue nightie which she stubbornly insisted was a dress…

Yes, she was definitely stubborn - and he liked that. She was much stronger than she seemed, and yet at the same time much more fragile too. She just wanted to be loved, protected; looked after when she was having a bad day… and all the rest of the time too, for that matter.

And he wanted to be the man to do all that for her, and more.

He realised suddenly that he’d filled in numbers one to nine with utterly honest, heartfelt things he loved about her. Smiling to himself, he completed the final point, folded the sheet of paper into four and signed the top quarter: ‘All my love, Mac.’

Now it was definitely time for bed - he’d worry about how to explain it all to her in the morning.

II

fic for loony_daydreams

2006-12-31T18:51:17Z

First part of one of my mini-challenges. This one's for loony_daydreams (they're in no particular order, don't worry, I just had a sudden inspiration for her prompt).

Title: 10 Things I ~~Hate~~ Love About You
Prompt: Caroline's Top Ten Reasons Why She's In Love With A Certain Dr. Macartney // Mac's Top Ten Reason's Why He's In Love With A Certain Dr. Todd
Note: This part has Boyce in it. ;)

This is turning into a full-blown fic instead of a little drabble... whoops! it's not great because I rushed it, but hey, at least I'm writing!

10 Things I ~~Hate~~ Love About You

“Look what I found,” Boyce said as he sank into a chair next to Mac in the half-empty staffroom. He held up a thick, black book, excitement written all over his face.

“What is it?” Mac licked the toast crumbs off his fingers and opened his can of lemon fanta with a hiss. He was trying to bring himself to be curious, but he’d just got out of a four hour surgery and really, he just couldn’t be bothered.

“Guess.”

“Um… Jesus’s will? The original, unedited script of Dallas where it wasn’t all a dream? How to outsmart the NHS and actually get some time off once in a while?”

“Nope.”

“Well, I give up then.”

Boyce grinned. “This, my friend,” he said, waving the book in front of Mac‘s face, “Is Caroline’s diary.”

There was a moment of silence as this news sank in. Mac simply started at the black cover and edges of the white pages beneath, cursing himself for feeling so intrigued, but feeling it all the same.

“How’d you get that?” He asked eventually, frowning. Maybe it wasn’t really her diary, maybe Boyce was having him on. Surely she wouldn’t leave such a valuable treasure around for anyone to find?

“It fell out of her locker this morning, along with a medical dictionary and several copies of Motorcycle Magazine.” Boyce raised his eyebrows, insinuating that he knew the root of her taste in literature, but Mac merely smiled and waited for him to continue. “Anyway, I helped her pick them all up and she dashed off to surgery before I could give her the last one back…”

“Ah, I see.” Mac set down his drink and sat forwards slightly. “So you didn’t accidentally hold it back till the end, hoping you might be able to sneak away with it?”

“Would I?”

Mac had to hand it to him: he’d certainly perfected the ‘completely innocent in every single way’ look.

“Have you, erm… had a look at it?” He asked, unsure why he was so nervous all of a sudden. Bizarrely, he felt jealous of Boyce, as if the only person who should be able to read all Caroline’s inner-most thoughts was him. Then he immediately felt terrible for even thinking that - what right had he, Boyce, or anyone to look in her diary?

Still, it was tempting. He couldn’t quite manage to avert his eyes when the young doctor flicked through the pages, revealing reams and reams of messy, black-inked words. He couldn’t help wondering how many times his name was mentioned, and exactly what she was thinking about him on any one particular day.

“I’ve glanced at it,” Boyce admitted without an ounce of remorse. “Most of it’s dull, day-to-day worries about money and life and the weather. But I did notice a couple of pages which might interest you… I’ve marked one in particular.” And he handed the book over as he stood up and moved to the door. “Now don’t go reading the lady’s diary, it’s not right,” he grinned, and he tapped his nose with a finger as he left, leaving Mac in an impossible position.

Should he glance at the page Boyce had signalled with the black ribbon attached to the book’s spine? What would it say? On the one hand it was morally obscene, a complete privacy invasion. He shouldn’t - couldn’t - do that to the woman he loved.

Yet on the other hand, she was the woman he loved, and maybe if he had a quick look it might tell him how best to proceed, might give him some information about how she really felt, might give him the confidence to finally get off his arse and ask her out… or turn around and stop bothering her with his unwanted affections.

His thumbs brushed the leather cover as he thought through his moral dilemma. No, he couldn’t. It wasn’t fair, wasn’t right. How would he ever be able to look at her in the eye again, knowing what he’d done?

But then again…

He opened the page very slowly, hating himself. This didn’t feel right at all.

No, it wasn’t right. He slammed the book shut and sank back into his chair, closing his eyes… but the six words he’d seen at the top of the page were still burning across his vision:

“10 things I love about Mac.”

Oh, fuck.

What the hell was he supposed to do now?

II

2006 - what a year!

2006-12-31T14:51:00Z

So, it seems the time to follow the crowd and do a little 2006 review-type thing. Well, I'm going to cheat and just point to the meme under the cut, cause that contains most of it:

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
Learnt how to drive!

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I made one to be more assertive, and I think I have been most of the time

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes

5. What countries did you visit?
Scotland

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
A driving license. Good AS level grades! And confidence in my career choice

7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Um... GCSE results day, cos of the results (obv.) but also the meal we all had afterwards. And also, meeting Jen in Plymouth, 10th August? Something like that anyway!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting the GCSE grades I did

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not keeping in touch with a couple of friends who are probably lost forever now

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I fell off a step and twisted my ankle, right in front of my First Aid teacher!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My shiny new laptop which I got yesterday as an xmas present to myself!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
All my friends who got ace results!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
A couple of people, but we won't go there

14. Where did most of your money go?
Ski trip, laptop, CDs

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
MEDLINK!! Driving!

16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
Oh god, too many to mention!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier
ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter
iii. richer or poorer? Poorer! :(

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Nothing

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Nothing

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With all my cousins etc.

21. How will you be spending New Year's?
With my best friendie Sarah

22. Did you fall in love in 2006?
A couple of times, maybe... ;) Once with JRT at least, and then with various young men... it's all documented here somewhere, but it's really rather boring now!

23. How many one-night stands?
None

24. What was your favorite TV programme?
Green Wing - I can't believe I only discovered it this year... where had I been all that time?!

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Not hate, but dislike a little bit more, perhaps

26. What was the best book you read?
Um... A Clockwork Orange I think

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
David Gray

28. What did you want and get?
A laptop

29. What did you want and not get?
Julian Rhind-Tutt

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Um... it's been so long since I went to the cinema! Pride & Prejudice?

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I had a meal with friends for my 17th

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Nothing really, it's all been good!

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?

More grown up

34. What kept you sane?
A levels... they really brought me back down to Earth after the high of GCSE results with a BANG!

35. Which celebrity / public figure did you fancy the most?
DT, JRT, Hugh Jackman

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Saddam Hussein's execution... about bloody time! And also all these immigration fuck-ups, which are just ridiculous. I hate this government.

37. Who did you miss?

Lots of people... my friends, my Nanna

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Loads of friends through LJ (you know who you are!), Ariane my frenchie, Charlottie and Sarah-V who joined my 6th form, Alice & Rikki from Medlink

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006:

Don't worry about the small things, because at the end of the day they're all just a tiny part of tomorrow, and there are much better ways to spend your time than worrying over nothing

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Life is a road, now and forever
Wonderful journey

*~*~*

I'm just so excited, wanting to get on with next year and learning new things and choosing unis and meeting friends and generally having a total ball, because everyone keeps telling me it's only going to get harder and that I might as well enjoy it now, and I intend to. XD

What have been yoru favourite moments of the year, either personal or fandom-wise? The latter for me has to be discovering Green Wing and now Grey's Anatomy, and also Mr Tennant as the Doctor. Long may they rein! ;)

ebonybeach @ 2006-12-28T21:23:00

2006-12-28T21:36:20Z

Hello, hello, hello - how are we all today? I hope you all had fantastic Christmasses! Mine was brilliant - My main present was car insurance (+ half for my bday), and I also got some clothes, jewellery, etc. and my first ever hairdryer! At 17! I know, unbelievable - I really don't know how I lived without one all these years! I have some family pics to upload but I can't be arsed to do that right now. ;)

Medlink was amazing too, met some ace friends :D I still have moments where I think, "OMG I don't want to be a doctor!" but then I have moments where I really do [want to be a doctor], so I don't know...

What did you think of 'The Runaway Bride'? It has rekindled my love for DW/DT, I have to say... I loved it!

The Grey's Anatomy love is getting to me big time. I've just finished season 1 (which I got on DVD for xmas), and OMG, the Meredith/Derek love (or lack thereof... why didn't he show at the bar? WHY?!) and the Cristina/Burke, and the Izzie/Alex, and Bailey... I love her, she's totally brilliant!

I want to write Mac/Caroline fic. Well, I am writing little bits and pieces, but nothing I can really get my teeth into, nothing exciting, nothing fun. So I present a mini challenge: give me a prompt (a word, an object, a scenario you've always wanted to see played out between them) and I'll try to write it in a mini fic, just for you. :)

icon meme from flecalicious, plus life updates and messages for glitteraddict89...

2006-12-11T19:19:01Z

Overall Fav Icon:
by ebonybeach

Romantic Icon:
by backseaticons

Sad Icon:
by lilotelasserie

Pissed off icon:
by speshulduck

Happy icon:
by katkim

Funny icon:
by zaphod_bb

Fav Ship/Pairing icon:
by kit_kat1990

Movie Icon:
I don't have any :(

Droolworthy icon:
by ebonybeach

Quote icon:
by ebonybeach

Work icon:
by moonytoes

Hobby icon:
by icon_bacchanal (and yes, French counts as a hobby!)

Speechless icon:
by space_graphics

Animal icon:
by ebonybeach (well, it has an animal in it...)

Smartass icon:
by composim

Now that's over and done with, OMG where have I been?! I know it's the same story every time - work, school etc. Mais c'est la vie. :(

I've had mocks, which went well - all A's - 98% in maths, 93% in biology [highest in the year, and I have NO idea how I managed it!], 87% in chemistry and 84% in French [also highest in the year, apart from one guy who is actually French... lol slight advantage there!]

So I'm very happy. :D

I've also been doing so much driving, which j'aime trop!

Christmas ball on Wednesday, I'm really excited, I love parties!

I've acquired a new ship from a new fandom - Meredith/Derek from Grey's Anatomy - I've only seen 5 episodes of the 1st series but I LOVE IT SO MUCH!

glitteraddict89, 3 messages pour toi:
#1 [+ loony_daydreams] I'm beginning to see the Owen [Torchwood] attraction, but only just. I still prefer Jack/Gwen, but Owen/Gwen is cute too. :)
#2 You remember the short video of us [mostly you] I put on YouTube that time? I got a comment on it a while ago which I forgot to mention... Regarde! or: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Th84b_vI8y8
#3 I also got an email last week from some American guy asking me what badwolf21 meant... he thought he'd heard it somewhere before! OMG!
Him:
>Hey I have a random question, I somehow stumbled upon your LJ (mine is
>leggomygrego85 if you want to check it out) and I saw one of your userpics
>says "badwolf21" and for some reason i have heard that somewhere before but
>don't know why or where lol. And now it's bothering me, so what is that?
Me:
Hey,
Well, the term Bad Wolf comes from the Brit Sci-Fi show 'Doctor Who' which
you'll probably have heard of. It's kind of like this taboo that follows you
wherever you go, and you're never rid of it, it keeps reappearing.
21 is my birthday, it's my lucky number, and it has a tendency to appear
freakishly all over my life. (eg I'll spend exactly £21 in an online order,
or happen to look at the clock at 21:21 (that happens a lot!) or be watching
a tv program which starts talking about something happening on the 21st.
That sorta stuff)
So 21 is like my Bad Wolf, following me everywhere in a freakish way, and so
my friend and I coined the term 'badwolf21' to describe the weird occurences
in my life.
:)
Him:
that makes so much sense somehow. thanks, that was killing me. i was like "WHERE HAVE I HEARD 'BAD WOLF' BEFORE!??!?! AND WHY IS THERE A 21?" hahaha
ALOL!!!!

m'aidez!

2006-11-27T19:24:19Z

Ok, so I have a dilemma.

We finally have a date for the Green Wing final episode - Thursday January 4th 2007 - which is great, obviously. The thing is, that's my first day back at school after Xmas and I have modules on 10th, 15th and 16th, and I just KNOW watching the episode is going to make me completely obsessed again and I won't be able to think about anything else, and then I'll do no revision and fuck up my exams.

So I don't watch it. I tape it and watch it on the evening of the 16th. EASIER SAID THAN DONE, MES AMIES, EASIER SAID THAN DONE!

I can't wait a whole 2 weeks to see it, not knowing the ending! And I'd miss out on all the comm gossip and fangirling and squeeing etc... I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

Advice plzkthnxbye.

More fic!

2006-11-26T17:25:36Z

Voici chapter 2 of my Mac/Guy reunion-come-Mac/Caroline baby!fic thing. This final part is centered more on Mac/Caroline.

Title: Blast From the Past
Rating: PG/PG-13-ish for a teency bit of language...?
Pairing: Mac/Caroline (+ child), Guy/OC
Chapter: 2/2
Summary: Set 2 years after the end of the series. One wintry evening, Mac opens the door to a ghost from his past, but he soon finds that not all surprises are necessarily bad ones...
A/N: Many thanks to Heather again. :)

Part the First

“Caroline. Hi. How are you?”

She doesn’t respond - doesn’t seem able to, from the look of complete and utter astonishment on her face - but Guy isn’t really surprised. What had he expected, anyway? For her to welcome him back immediately with open arms, two years of silence completely forgiven and forgotten?

He knows it’s a shock, and had thoroughly expected it to be harder on Caroline that it was on Mac - she must have been fully aware of his previous feelings for her, and now, as well as wondering why he’s come back, she‘s having to once again wrestle with the barrage of emotions she’d long ago locked away: emotions regarding him, the pain of his sudden departure from her life, the knowledge that she had hurt him so badly, and ultimately, the decision she’d had to make between him - an arrogant, self-absorbed anaesthetist who knew nothing about love - and Mac, the caring, affectionate surgeon who was prepared to sacrifice everything for her.

In retrospect, he never really stood a chance, did he?

That thought makes him smile to himself. Looking at her now - tired but somehow still so beautiful, dressed in a too-big pair of faded tartan pyjamas and a dressing gown which looks suspiciously like her husband’s - she has everything he could never give her, and everything Mac has.

He had been slightly worried that, upon seeing her again, some of his old feelings might have been stirred up, but now she’s standing here in front of him, he feels only a kind of warm, genuinely platonic affection for her. She has a home, a husband, a gorgeous little baby son, and he knows that the Guy he used to be could never, ever have made her as happy as Mac has.

II

Aware of his wife’s obvious difficulty trying to process this bizarre situation, Mac holds the carrier bag our towards her. “Guy just stopped round to drop these off,” he explains, his tone reassuring her that everything is alright. She glances briefly at the gifts, before her gaze returns to the ghost on their doorstep.

“I hope he likes them,” Guy continues, nodding towards Jack. Mac has to admire his courage, his empathy towards her, and the honest sincerity behind his encouraging smile. “Sorry I haven’t come before now… Mac will explain, I’m sure.”

After a long moment locked in his eyes, unable to look away, Caroline clears her throat and finally speaks. Her voice is soft and unusually quiet. “I… Thank you.”

Two small words, but Mac can hear the emotion contained within them. She’s exhausted and confused, but at least she seems to have got over the immediate uncertainty surrounding his reappearance: has realised he’s not here to drag up any demons from the past; can see in his eyes the truth in the stories of a new, selfless, compassionate Guy Secretan.

It will undoubtedly take her a while to readjust to his presence in her head - in her life - once again, but Mac knows she will, given time. Right now, Guy needs to get going, and the Macartney family need to get to bed and get some sleep. Jack has just fallen asleep in his daddy’s arms, and as Caroline lets out a long yawn, Mac can’t help but do the same.

“You need to sleep,” he tells her gently and she nods, trying not to yawn again.

He kisses his son on the forehead and his wife on the lips before handing over the tiny bundle of blankets, which she cradles to her chest, eyes alight at just feeling her baby in her arms again. With a final glance at Guy, a half-smile and a murmured, “Goodnight,” she retreats up the stairs, leaving the two men alone.

II

“She looks as lovely as ever,” Guy says after a pause. Then - at Mac’s startled expression - he adds, “Not in that way. I just mean she looks really, really happy. You both do.” He suddenly remembers he’s supposed to be leaving right about now. “Shit, now I definitely have to go.”

“Yeah, you do.”

The following silence is filled with a thousand ways to say goodbye, none of them quite right somehow. Finally Guy holds out his hand, and Mac smiles in relief as he shakes it.

“This has been… surreal,” he says, and Guy laughs.

“Yeah, it has.”

He can’t seem to bring himself to leave, despite knowing he must. These past fifteen minutes have been such a big thing for the both of them, and he doesn’t want to have to walk away from that magical feeling; the feeling that everything is forgiven and the world is somehow right again. It’s been a long time coming - too long, probably - but now that it’s over, Guy feels as though a huge weight has been lifted from him.

“About that meeting up thing…?” Mac asks hesitantly, and Guy pulls himself together.

“Oh yeah, that’d be great.” He remembers the small stack of business cards in his inside pocket and hands one over, which Mac proceeds to read aloud.

“’Mr. Guy Secretan, MBBS, FRCA. Consultant Anaesthetist‘? I never heard about that, congratulations!”

Guy smiles and nods towards his friend. “And to you too, belatedly - I always knew the world of surgical consultants wouldn’t be complete until they ensnared you. Mind you, the somewhat superior world of consultant anaesthetists wasn‘t complete until they found me, so I think we’re pretty equal there.”

He winks, knowing Mac is aware that - although he may sound the same as ever - his words are only said in an attempt to entertain.

“Anyway,” Guy continues, taking a step backwards and half-turning to walk away, “I’ll, er… see you around.”

“Yeah, I‘ll call you. Give my love to Erica.”

“I will.” He moves further down the path towards his car. “And give mine to Caroline. Tell her… tell her I’m sorry.”

And before he can feel embarrassed about the crack of emotion in his voice, Guy gets in his car and, with a warm, supportive hand squeezing his knee, starts the engine and drives away.

“I told you it’d be alright,” Erica says softly.

He’s surprised to feel tears stinging his eyes, and glances briefly at his fiancée, unashamed of his visible vulnerability. She opens her mouth to speak, and then seems to decide against it. Instead she just moves her hand onto his on the gear stick, and he smiles as he turns his attention back to the road. Sometimes, there can be so much more said in silence: that’s something she’s taught him, and he believes it, believes her; believes in her and everything she stands for.

In that moment, he knows he’s never loved her more, and suddenly he can’t wait to introduce her to Mac and Caroline. It’s only now he’s so content with his own life that he can finally admit to being happy for them. He used to think Mac was the luckiest bastard in the world, but it seems luck will always come your way if you wait long enough. Seeing his old friend has been a painfully strong reminder of the type of person he, Guillaume Secretan, used to be, and he never, ever wants to go back to being that man again.

II

When Mac finally manages to tear his gaze away from the blackness into which Guy‘s car has disappeared, he steps back into the hall, closes the door and leans against it, taking a moment to gather his thoughts. Just when he’d started to believe life had finally settled into something resembling normality, he gets a shock the like of which he could never have expected.

Still, he reflects with a smile, the upside of such surprises is that he’ll never get bored. And that has to be a good thing, right?

He glances around him, at the home he and Caroline have made together, and his eyes land on their wedding photo which sits on the dresser just beside him. Picking it up, his smile grows wider, and he feels his heart beat just that little bit faster, the way it always does whenever he thinks about her. She looked so beautiful that day - he still feels breathless whenever he relives the crystal-clear memory of turning around to see her walking up the aisle: she was nervous as hell, but more lovely, more radiant, more perfect than ever. In that moment, he’d fallen in love with her all over again, and from that day onwards he has continued to do so time after time after time.

They have so many wedding photos in two enormous albums, but this one in his hands has always been his favourite. It was taken towards the end of the photo call, after they’d been through all the standard posing with bridesmaids, family and friends. The photographer had wanted to get some shots of the young nieces and nephews, the elderly nannas and great uncles; lots of little family groups together.

Mac, sensing their part was more or less over, had taken his new wife by the hand and led her part way down the long, sloping lawn of the majestic country manor, just out of earshot of their guests. And there they stood, wrapped in each other’s arms, surrounded by the gorgeous green beauty of the forest beyond the sparkling lake, with the warm summer sun shining down on a truly magical day… and they noticed none of it. Nor did they notice the end of the photos, when the photographer turned and just happened to capture the memory which now sits, framed by silver and behind a thin sheet of glass, in Mac’s hands.

He knows why he’s always loved this picture: it’s just so natural, so effortless; no posing or smiles fixed only for the camera. The two figures are near the edge of the image, the lake taking up most of the shot. The man, slightly taller than the woman, has his hands at her waist, and he’s obviously just told a joke because she’s laughing, arms around his neck, eyes locked in his. They look so undeniably happy, their bodies fitting so perfectly together, that the photograph positively exudes the fairy-tale enchantment of that day over a year ago now.

Just looking at it, he can hear her laughter and the distant chatter of their guests, smell her perfume above the clear summer air, feel the warmth of her body radiating across his, and suddenly he doesn’t know why he’s still standing here by the door when she’s upstairs with their son, and probably in need of some TLC from her husband.

Within ten seconds he’s locked the door, turned out the lights and reached the top of the stairs. It’s now dark except for the soft lamplight spilling onto the landing from their room. He moves quietly through the doorway to find his wife standing over Jack’s cot at the foot of their bed, her back towards him, and - as if by some sixth sense - he can tell instantly that she’s crying.

He’s beside her in two strides, slipping one arm around her waist as her head falls onto his shoulder, silent tears sliding down her cheeks. They stand like this for a while, his presence and the sight of their sleeping son reassuring her and gradually ceasing her crying, before he asks softly, “What’re you thinking?”

She takes a deep breath and wipes her face with the back of her hand. “I’m just thinking...” She inhales again and he tightens his arms around her, assuring her she can tell him anything, that he‘s prepared to be the strong one when she feels she’s falling apart inside. “I’m just thinking,” she continues in a very quiet voice, “What my life would have been like if I’d chosen Guy, and how it could never, ever be as good as this.”

Wide, tear-stained eyes find his and he can't help but fall into them, his hand rising to brush away the last of her confusion, the last of her sadness; fingers resting across her cheek. His thumb traces her lips as they curve into a hesitant smile, and then he leans in and kisses her; once and very slowly, feeling her sigh contentedly into his mouth as her body relaxes against his.

They hold on to each other as though they'll never let go, and as they climb into bed and cuddle up close, she thanks him for everything and tells him she loves him more than he will ever know. It's something she says every night - undoubtedly something she will continue to say forever - and just like every night, he replies in kind.

But as he switches off the light and lies there in the dark, listening as his wife's breathing gradually deepens and starts to fall into step with his own, he suddenly realises just how lucky he is to hear her say those words: so honest, so sincere... and he came so close to losing her, so long ago.

He's only ever wanted to make her happy, and if she'd chosen Guy, he has always sworn to himself that he would have let her go.

"You didn't though, did you?" he murmurs, gently stroking her hair as he feels his eyes falling closed. From the foot of the bed, he hears the soft rustling of blankets and smiles. Everything he's ever needed is right here in this room, and he knows that no amount of ghosts can ever, ever break them apart.

II

The End.

sweet 17...

2006-11-23T18:48:02Z

Yet another lengthy absence de moi, and I can only say that they're likely to get longer. As jiggery_pokery_ can assure you, I have been incredibly busy as of late and I'm really stressed out (and keep falling asleep everywhere!)

BUT, as it was my birthday on Tuesday, this week hasn't been so bad!

And I've been driving! Wow! I love it - I can start the car, change quite smoothly from 1st to 2nd gear and brake neatly too. My dad's teaching me, and we went out last night for the first time, then again tonight - firstly down a deserted road, and then I DROVE THROUGH A VILLAGE! WITH JUNCTIONS! AND PARKED CARS! AND PEDESTRIANS! AND I WAS AMAZING!

Lol, well, not too sure about that, but it's just so much fun, I want to drive all the time!

Anyways, I know I've been absolutely terrible commenting and replying to stuff, but HELLO to all my flist whom I love very much even when I'm not here. :)

Now I have a French essay to finish, so I must disappear YET AGAIN.
(I got 87% on the chem exam btw. YAY!)

very quick note...

2006-11-19T20:24:18Z

Aww, I made this header a few weeks back and my lovely friend Sarah just installed it for me - bless her, doesn't it look great?

Now I fear I must go back to revising chemistry. Only (approximately) 14 hours till the exam... *yawn*

ebonybeach @ 2006-11-10T23:10:00

2006-11-10T23:10:38Z

So da_buffster posted her wish list thing (I'll do mine tomorrow) and it prompted me to feel generous and loving and gift some people. I would have loved to have given you all gifts, but alas! I don't have the money so to do. However, continue being nice to me and we'll see what can be done for Christmas... ;)

[Oh, and by the way, it's my birthday in 11 days! Not that that was a blatant hint in any way, shape or form....Hee hee hee.]

EDIT: How funny was John Barrowman on Jonathan Ross?! What a legend!

More fic!

2006-11-10T17:08:42Z

Yes, can you believe it? It's another fic - 2 in a week, what is going on?!

Yet again guys, it's baby!fic... I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist!

Title: Blast From the Past
Rating: PG/PG-13-ish for a teency bit of language...?
Pairing: Mac/Caroline (+ child), Guy/OC
Chapter: 1/2
Summary: Set 2 years after the end of the series. One wintry evening, Mac opens the door to a ghost from his past, but he soon finds that not all surprises are necessarily bad ones...
A/N: Although this is Mac/Caroline shippy, it's mainly about the Mac/Guy love (in a non-slashy way). They're just so adorable together, I couldn't resist. Much luff to Heather for the beta :D

Blast From the Past

It takes Mac a moment to untangle himself from his sleeping wife when he hears the knock at the door, and as he makes his way up from the sofa, baby Jack in his arms, he wonders briefly who the hell is calling on them at this time of night. Catching a glimpse of the hall clock, he has to laugh because he’s completely exhausted and it’s only seven p.m. Having a ten-week-old baby in the house has completely screwed up his and Caroline’s sense of time - he could have sworn it was after midnight, and the dark winter evenings don’t really give them any clues as to the hour.

“Shall we see who it is?” He says softly to his darling little boy, looking so angelic wrapped up in a fluffy white blanket.

Jack Macartney has no idea why his daddy looks so stunned when he opens the door.

II

Guy doesn’t know what he’s going to say; has no idea where to start. How do you explain your unexpected emergence to someone who hasn’t seen you for two whole years? Where do you start? An awful lot has changed for both of them. It will be so strange to see Mac again: Mac who he used to pretend to hate, when really he was the closest thing Guy ever had to a best friend. He would never have admitted that before, but he really has changed, so much so he expects he’ll be almost unrecognisable beyond physical appearance.

A glance over his shoulder and the receipt of an encouraging smile from the part-shadowed face in the car gives him the final ounce of courage he needs. The owner of the smile has pushed him this far - he wouldn’t be here without her and he knows it - but now he’s on his own.

The red door swings back, spilling light onto the step where he stands, and the face that greets him is exactly how he remembers it… only the expression on it is so shocked, Guy might have laughed if the moment weren’t so important.

II

“Oh my God.”

The last face Mac had ever expected to see is smiling at him, and his first thought is that he’d fallen asleep on the sofa and this is all some bizarre, nostalgic dream. Jack’s sharp tug on his hair reminds him he is definitely awake.

“Hi.” Guy looks confident enough, but his voice seems hesitant, nervous.

“Hi.” Mac soon discovers his own voice is unsteady, and he clears his throat. There is a horrible silence, in which his mind screams out all sorts of questions, the loudest being, What the hell is he doing here?

II

Well, this is awkward.

Aware of Mac’s incredulous gaze on him, Guy tries not to stare back, instead turning his eyes to the fidgeting bundle in his old friend’s arms.

“So this is…?”

Mac seems to snap out of his daze and looks down at his son, a smile immediately forming on his lips. Boyce had warned Guy that the new father was besotted, and now he can see it quite clearly. When Mac next speaks, his voice is so soft and gentle that Guy has to strain to hear.

“This is Jack.”

Jack stares at him, enormous blue eyes trying to figure out if he is friend or foe, completely oblivious to the tension between the two men.

“Mac ‘n’ Jack.” Guy manages to catch Mac’s gaze and hold it. “You sound like some sort of rice cake.”

II

That’s it. All they needed was a joke to break the ice, and now they share a genuine, heartfelt smile. Mac has a sudden urge to hug him but manages to refrain. Guy seems to have changed a lot in two years - of course he has, everyone changes with time - his eyes are not nearly so fierce, so challenging; he appears much softer generally, and Mac guesses this is due to Erica, the feisty new midwife whom Boyce told him had finally managed to tame Mr Guillaume Secretan.

But why’s he come back? Why tonight, why now? The last time Mac had seen him was the day he and Caroline announced their engagement. There he was, ordering a drink at the bar, but when they had told their news to the crowded bar and the cheering and congratulations had died down, he was gone.

Mac understood, of course he did. If Caroline had chosen Guy, he wouldn’t have been able to face them for a long, long while. Add to that the fact that she was the first woman Guy had ever truly loved - the woman he had lost to his best friend/arch rival - and his decision to quit his job at East Hampton and take a position in the private hospital across town shouldn’t really have come as that much of a shock.

At first his absence was strange. Theatre was eerily quiet without him, and Mac missed winding him up with endless games and challenges. But as time passed - as he and Caroline bought a house together, got married and conceived their first child - Guy Secretan became a fond memory, occasionally reinforced by news bulletins from Boyce or Martin.

Mac hadn’t thought this day would ever come - didn’t think Guy would ever mature enough to want to reappear - but now he’s here, it’s incredibly good to see him. Opening the door to the past was a shock, although a pleasant one… but Mac’s desperately curious to know why he’s here: is this a one-off passing visit, or has Guy finally decided it’s time to try and patch up their relationship?

He’s brought out of his thoughts when Jack gurgles slightly and takes hold of Guy’s finger, which had been hesitantly stroking his fine, blonde hair. “He likes you,” Mac murmurs as his son smiles happily at Guy.

Guy seems flattered, and for a minute Mac thinks he might actually blush, but then he grins and says, “Yeah, well, so do a lot of people.” The old Guy is still in there, but the arrogance Mac was so ironically fond of is now used only in jokes.

There’s another silence, but this one is much more comfortable than the last. Guy’s still playing with Jack, and after a further few moments he looks up at Mac. “So, the Ginger Freak has a ginger child…”

Mac smiles at his light, mocking tone. “You’re still going on about that? Neither of us are ginger, especially not Jack - he’s blonde, look at him!” Guy just seems to smile, satisfied he had correctly anticipated this response, as he gently extracts his finger from Jack’s grip.

Looking at him on the step, framed by the black night behind him, Mac suddenly realises what a horrific host he’s being. “Sorry, d’you want to come in?” He stands back to let Guy through the door, but the anaesthetist shakes his head.

“No, I’m alright thanks. I’ve got… someone waiting in the car.”

Mac raises his eyebrows. “Ah? That must be the infamous Erica.”

“Yeah.” Guy smiles fondly, and if Mac didn’t know better he might call him misty-eyed: maybe this new Guy was the type to get misty-eyed…? “She’s alright, I s’pose.”

The love and adoration once visible in his gaze when he looked at Caroline was back now, and Mac was pleased for both himself and Guy when he asked, “And how’s Caroline?” without so much as a flicker of regret or pain crossing his expression.

Two years had obviously done him good - well and truly over her, what was even better was that there were no hard feelings or animosity between them; no resentment over the fact that Mac had ‘won’ her. Erica had changed Guy, and fatherhood had changed Mac, and together they were unrecognisable from themselves two years ago.

II

“She’s fine, yeah,” Mac says of Caroline, and Guy is genuinely pleased to hear it.

It took many months and a massive alcohol intake to get over her, and just when he was nearing the finish line - the point where he could think about her and Mac and not feel a black depression forming around him - he met this bright, bubbly midwife called Erica and the rest, as they say, is history. With her friendship he made it out of the other side, and as he began to see only the best things in life instead of the worst, they grew closer and closer until he realised that all the feelings he’d ever had for Caroline were now pouring out of him and into this beautiful woman who was so loving and supportive, despite all his obvious faults. It was such a clichéd love story that it often made them both cringe whenever they thought about, or recounted, it.

“She’s incredibly tired,” Mac is continuing, and Guy manages to drag him attention back. “She’s asleep now, so this little man and I have been giving her a break, haven’t we?” He softly tickles his son under the chin, and Jack smiles and lets out what could be a laugh, although he might just have wind - Guy can’t tell.

“So, fatherhood’s suiting you then?” he asks, already knowing the answer.

Mac shifts Jack in his arms to give him a better view of Guy, who has evidently become the latest object of interest. “Yeah, it’s alright,” Mac grins, his eyes showing what his words don‘t even come close to expressing.

“Seriously?”

Even though he had anticipated this, Guy is still a little astonished - he has never been able to understand why anyone would give up their entire life to be at the complete beck and call of a tiny, screaming baby, twenty-four hours a day, three-hundred-and-sixty-five days a year. He may be a new man when it comes to monogamy and commitment, but children are on a whole other level altogether.

“What about all the sleepless nights, the nappies, the constant exhaustion?”

“Seriously.” Mac looks down at his tiny, (currently non-)screaming baby, Jack’s attention immediately focussing back on his daddy. “Every time I hold him, or watch Caroline playing with him, I just feel… I don’t know, it’s one of those things you can’t explain. When he smiles at you, you just forget the tiredness, the screaming. All of it. You just know that you’d give him everything without a second’s thought.”

Guy feels his heart swell in a way he never thought he would. Even though he’d never admit it in so many words, he truly believes that Mac deserves every single thing he has.

II

“Soppy bastard,” Guy says softly, and Mac thinks for a moment he can see tears in his friend’s eyes. He doesn’t know what Erica’s done, but he is a completely different man. It must be love.

“I’m not the only one,” Mac murmurs, and Guy smiles sheepishly.

“Yeah, well, you can’t be cold and emotionally sterile forever. I think we’ve both, um… discovered that.”

“Yeah,“ Mac agrees, then adds more forcefully, “Yeah, we have, I suppose.” He feels that same urge to hug his old friend again, but even though he holds back, he’s realised that Guy wouldn’t actually mind too much - bloody hell, he might even hug him back!

They’ve both changed so much that it’s difficult to feel any of the old competitive energy, the rivalry that used to eat away at them both, and suddenly Mac knows he wants to see Guy again; wants him to become a part of his life once more.

Before he can find a way to put this into suitable words, Guy has looked at his watch and sworn, before quickly apologising to Jack.

“I mean, uh, oh dear.” He grins and flicks his gaze to Mac‘s. “I’m gonna have to get going, the play starts at half past.”

As he produces a carrier bag from behind his back, Mac can’t help asking incredulously, “You’re going to the theatre?”

Guy merely shrugs as he presents the bag to Mac. “Yeah. Erica’s choice.“

“Ah.” Mac nods thoughtfully before taking the proffered gift in his free hand and peering inside. There are two packages, each wrapped in silver paper, and a thin, white envelope. “What’s this?”

“Just a little something for Jack.”

Mac is genuinely touched - if a little surprised - by this gesture. “You didn’t have to.”

“Yeah, well, I’d have brought them sooner but they’ve only just arrived - something to do with stockists errors.” When Mac fails to understand this explanation and raises his eyebrows, Guy shrugs slightly. “Bought them off the internet… You didn’t seriously think I’d actually go into Mothercare? All those pregnant women going all gooey over little gloves and socks?” He makes a disgusted face and Mac has to laugh.

“Thank you. Not just for these,” he adds when Guy shakes his head as if to say ‘It’s nothing’. “Thanks for… coming back. We should catch up some time… properly, I mean. I’d like to meet Erica, and I’m sure Caroline would love to see you both as well.”

But just as he says this, he notices Guy’s gaze has wandered over his shoulder, and hears a familiar voice. “Mac, what’re you- ? Oh my God.”

II

Part the Second will be here shortly...